Less or more? Is there any scientific explanation for this question? Probably, yes, but who cares about that, when somebody is talking about our life? My life is my decision, and life most of the time does not want to conform to science. Children are coming to this life in less expected moments and we are definitely not able to control it.
By now I know if we want something and we want to control it hard, it will never happen.
So, when parents are planning the second or third baby, it might not come at that time that they want or plan. Why? Because to get pregnant and to have children is not only about our will and whether we like it or not, it’s better if we accept that rule.
Gynecologist says 2.5 – 3 years is the best age gap between the two, because the mother’s body needs to recover and that time is enough. Psychologist says, that is the worst, because the older one will hate that when he/she have to go to kindergarten while the mother and the small baby can stay at home. It additionally intensifies the separation anxiety.
Then what is the ideal time?
Small age differences (18 months)
- They are similar, like twins, playing same games, same tales, same kindergarten, same friends, same food, and so on
- There is no or minimal fraternal jealousy
- They will become good friends
- Mother does not have to learn motherhood again
- Easily go back to work
Bigger age differences (more than 5 years)
- Big one can play with the small one
- Big one can help the mother with the little one
- The big one is like an example to the small one
- The big one is independent by then
- Fraternal jealousy is minimal
- Mother can turn her attention to the small one during the day, then when the bigger one comes home, the mother can be with him/her and then together.
- When the small one sees how independent the big one is, they will be independent earlier.
We can find a lot who agree with this and a lot of counter-arguments, but the most important thing is what’s best for the child, mother, and father and of course, to the entire family.
What is her plan? Does she want to stay at home for long? Or want to have the kids the same time, and then go back to work? Is it necessary for her to go back to work to help the family financially? How has the mother’s body recovered from the first birth? Is she ready for the next one? How many kids does she want?
Is the family stable enough financially to keep the whole family for years only through the father’s earnings? Does he want to get back his love (wife)? Does he want more attention again?
Will they get enough attention? Do they need to be a babysitter? Will their soul develop in a good way? Will they get the most from the parents? When will they get the best carriage?
Having children is a much more important decision.
Just think about it after we have them. Humankind develops on a way that we can control birth. We are over-populated and there are millions of children without care or basic needs. At the same time, the old European or Caucasian race is decreasing; the race where we have the knowledge and the potential to raise the kids right. It is a big responsibility of every parent to do it right.
And if you know deep inside of you that one is enough, or if you know you don’t want to do it, don’t do it just because of the expectation of society.
The importance is how you can contribute as a human to this earth positively and it is not necessarily by making several kids.